Boot Camp

Me, a recovering bulimic and alcoholic, doing the Boot Camp thing. Last week come Wednesday, I could not even walk, feeling as if struck my a vehicle. Running in the gym for 40 minutes on the elliptical like a hamster in its cage does not even compare! Needless to say, I fell in love with this new discipline.

After each session of BC I feel so high, like I just took a swipe of something. My body is so addicted to that feeling, that euphoria. I use to get this from purging and drinking. Spiritually I am learning to receive it, but to be pushed and to push my own body to physical greatness is prime. I need that physical feeling. Looking back, I needed this since a child. I loved bruises, cuts, scars. Sports allowed me to nurture this. I was a self-injurer before all the rest! Time to turn it around!!!

Mitch is building Eric's site. It is under construction at his testing site but here is a peek:

Elite Fitness Bootcamp


Today I have all my needs met. I want more, but am ok without. I have purpose today, a path which my feet trudge and my eyes can see the road ahead. It lingers off, but I have faith that it is there, it will be there, and day by day I get to explore it. How beautiful is that.

So my plates suggest:



Some get it right away, some don't and ask. So far I have gotten:
1. Sober 8 times (that from my supervisor, very funny)
2. Sober Brat
3. Or just, whaaaaat?

The lady at the DMV finally asked "ok, I give up, what does it say?" Then, she casually asked me, "So how long you've been 12 stepping?" I discovered she had 12 years and this was no coincidence. God work is truly brilliant!

My Monito N Me

MY MONITO (Little Doll)



My "Monito" use to give me security when I slept as a child. Then it was food, then it was alcohol, now it is God and the fellowship of AA.

Check out HNT

Alive in the sunlight of the spirit

Olive, Mamas, Babas, Old Lady, and so many more! This is Olive, she is so beautiful.




~ My mom came to my work to get some direction. Today my mom values my opinion and we can talk like mother and daughter.

~ Last night Mitch and I went to dinner, came home and watched the Fantastic 4 in bed with our animals. We laughed so much, not at the movie, just because . . .

~ I got a raise last week. My work is being recognized and complimented. My design and creativity is progressing too as I walk no longer in the dark.

~ I took a nap yesterday with all of my animals. They all snuggled with me on the bed as we slept to the howling Santa Ana Winds. I left a window opened as we nested together warm and protected.

~ I lost 10 pounds with no binging or purging. I lost 10 pounds by actually feeding myself.

~ The obsession to drink has been lifted. I sat at a bar the other night waiting for a table and felt no pressure that I would act upon what will kill me. I was being amused by the drinkers at the bar and tahnkful that thier actions were keeping me sober.

FEAR
I don't want to loose this. In some way, my guard is down. Will that mean something will happen??? My shield not there to protect me leaving me vulnerable? Ah, but for all my life I had this guard and still was vulnerable. I say I am fearful, but not really. Fear is holding that shield, being blocked from the light of the spirit. The shield is not mine to own anymore.

Today I can embrace all that I have in my life. Sometimes I am baffled at those that struggle so much with thier sobriety, They go in and out, or are so miserable. Why is such grace shedded upon me?

Feeling of Wholesome

Checking in after a while and still on the right path. So many miracles have happened since my last post -- I wish I can tell them all. I have been so busy with work, but am finally slowing down.

BROKEN
Last year I was jobless after being fired as a cause of my attitude. I was so sick then. Today I am employable. My supervisors know I am a sober member of AA and support me. My creativity and confidence is climbing. I am amazed at what I produce here. Got a raise today after my review a few weeks ago. I am content here, but aware of the deadliness of compliancy.

I am on Weight Watchers again. Initially I began with the goal of loosing my Holiday weight. Now I like the lifestyle. I love that feeling of nurturing my body. Something is happening to me -- I feel wholesome in my body. I feel so beautiful within, I can actually breath.

I am not just living anymore, I am ALIVE. The speaker at Crown City Friday described his existence before AA as a dog on the freeway; has no business there; fearful; avoiding life around the path of life . . . This speaker was amazing and I want all of you to hear. I bought his CD (Crown sells them for 5 bucks) and will post it next week.

I am so in love with this fellowship. I am grateful that I was borne with this physical allergy and mental self-centeredness. I can see through all those clouds that fogged my path for once -- I have purpose today.

Still sober and abstinent -- have not cut too in 3 months! :) Thank you God for my life today! Thank you AA for being my skin.

Grateful

Last year at this time I was gonna get fired by the end of the week for my attitude. I was drinking at 7 in the morning by then and on the job. Today I have no shame of this event, and am humbled by it. Today I have another chance, working for a corporation that knows I am a sober member of AA. I was here only 2 months when I told my supervisor I was leaving the next day and why. That was my first experience of letting someone, besides Mitch, know the truth. I received support, and to my surprise, they wanted me, a drunk, a selfish and self centered jerk, to come back.

~ I am grateful today for this job
~ For Alexis and Mel, I laughed so much with you. I love u women
~ For Mel's SIA meeting, it allows me to give back and support her
~ Eating 4 slices of pizza yesterday and not having any guilt or thought to get rid of it
~ Actually being happy and content during my first sober Holiday season, I made it and had a grand time!
~ My animals, except when Nic got too happy and squirted us with anal glands. Yuck!
~ A second chance
~ The blogging community and HNT

I just bought a new laptop this morning with my own money. I don't owe anything! She comes in 2 days. I love Apple. I like pretty things that cost a lot of money -- yes, I am a sick being!