Sober Chick Moving . . .

Hi all my fellow recovering peeps, I am moving! Whooo Hooo!!! My blog journal (r those the same words???) on blogspot will remain up because it holds a special place in my heart. This site is priceless.

My new home is now at www.soberchick.com. Please update your link whenever you have a moment. Muah!

Cool Beans!

hAAppy birthdAAy Carly

She Carly 1 year today, Whoo-Hooooo. Today I am grateful that Carly has 365 days of continuous sobriety. There is a Celebration going on, come one, come all!

It's Fri-Day!

Whoooo Hoooo it's Friday, it's Friday, Shake Your Booty!

Shaking the grAAtitude!
Now that I no longer participate in drunken blackouts, I am . . .
- able to remember the conversations I had the night before
- able to look at myself in the mirror minus the self-loathing part
- able to carry the message
- able to be a be a friend
- was able to give my coin that was given to me the day I left Casa (30 days sober then) to "M" last night . . . with a personal prayer attached
- able to keep my plants alive
- able to keep hope alive
- able to feel ALL emotions and know it is ok
- able to see the woman that gave me life and really love her for the Mom she is
- able to reduce the risk of the picture above ENORMOUSLY!
- able to be able

Once upon a time, I succeeded in to the greatest moment of desperation . . . borne from this was an ounce of Willingness followed by the warmest exposure of this powerful phenomenon whom I call God.

Juggling Pink

Did you know that I Juggle?

Yes here is the PINK showing up in my life once again (notice the slippers too). How did I ever get into this art you ask? Well my sweatheart Mitch is an x-gymasts. He was in Gamma Phi Circus at Illinois State University. He is very talented, and has taught me how to juggle and do various juggling exercises, like passing and doing double tosses . . . ) I have a long way to go but have enjoyed the process of learning thus far. I have been doing this for 2 years, and I admit it really is theraputic.

Below is Mitch practicing at CAL TECH when he first moved to Pasadena over 5 years ago. He is really awesome, I love watching him and am amazed at how talented and Passionate he is about this art (that is him with his back to the camera, black shorts white stripe.)

We usually juggle at the park but for HNT purposes, I had to get a shot in our home hence the messiness of our new office. It is in transition mode.

shaking the grAAtitude:
- the HNT posts today and the smiles it has brought to my fave
- juggling
- the new dog park we discovered only blocks from home
- a new chapter of recovery with Alexis and "M"
- "M's" progress
- opportunity for spiritual growth
- energy of my sponsor and her husband when they are together (like 2 teenagers, I love it!)
- that when I use to live in darkness you took my hand in yours and helped me find the light . . . that light being the luminance of discovering God's presence
- that I no longer bare the load of shame and guilt on my shoulders.
- Diet 7-Up
- Freckles . . . I came to believe that they are Angel kisses
- Your support and suggestions of solutions when I most need them

PLEASE COME AND VISIT US ON THIS FINE DAY HERE!

Sober Chick

A while back the beautiful JJ sent me a link of a sober chick hat . . .

Isn't that the coolest. So I drew up the little guy myself. :)

Today I am grateful for the power of prayer. I got a call last night from her very loving boyfriend (who has stood by her side, I have been praying for him too) and my friend "M" has improved a great deal in a small amount of time. She is not in the ICU anymore. I can't wait to see her. You know what has happened? It was an opportunity for spiritual growth. My HP Rocks!!!


***I am very grateful for having a job. Regularly they set up dates for blood donation which I think is very cool. We have warehouses all across the country, each month if no one gets hurt each employee recieves 20 bucks! I work at the corporate head quarters and share an office with 3 product developers, one being my supervisor. I laugh so much here, today is no different. My face muscles are getting lots of exercise today. Just found out that we are getting flu shots this month. I am very grateful to be here, just wanted to get this out . . .

I was hired here 2 months before my last drunk. Before that I was fired from a good job. I was very active in my Dz and drinking on the job even passing out in my truck at times . . . I was let go for my behavior having everyone walk on eggshells when I was around. I could not grasp how fortunate I was to have a job at that time, I was spindling out of control towards my rock bottom (getting fired was not it, I needed more), today is different . . . ***

Toos-Day

Aren't homegroups the coolest? I remember when I made the decision to adopt my homegroup :) It was there that I discovered my sponsor, it was there that I was able to begin healing, it was there that I began to grow up.

Went to a new meeting yesterday at the 202 Club. I saw some familiar faces from my homegroup and meet some new people. My friend "R" volunteered me to lead the meeting. Thank goodness for friends like that ;)

shaking the grAAtitude:
- that I came to the realization my life running on Self Will was turning out shattered results
- Step 3
- the promises, for being introduced to a situation that use to baffle me . . . this is not the case today
- "M" teaching me so much in this chapter of our lives
- my eCard Mitch sent me yesterday that made me laugh for 59 seconds
- being able to pick up the phone (cuz if I allow my thinking to happen, that phone will weigh 1 billion pounds, action action action) and be there for a friend in need of some guidence Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks
- trudging littermates
- The Season changing
-pumpkins patches popping up
- YOU, your emails and the simple gesture of your visit, you are the hands of AA

Thank you

Saw "M" 2nite for a brief moment. They did not have to place a tube in her. She is improving only slightly but I will take it! She was only able to get out a few words out. I left her some Dr Suess books (her favorite), read her the card that Alexis, Mitch & I wrote in, and said that "T" will read them to her tonight. :)

I walked away to put the books on the chair, she pulled off her mask and said "I like your sweater." That was so great for me to hear, not the compliment but she is more aware than presented, that she is responsive, that she is fighting!!!

You see, I am so grateful right now. "M" is allowing me to be accountable, to have this ultimate purpose that I have seeked for so long in all the wrong ways. God is giving me this internal strength right now and I cannot explain it . . . but it is fueling passionately within.

My dear friend Christine concluded one of her beautiful emails sent to me with a quote . . .

"Failure is the beginning of wisdom . . ."

update

I was able to see my friend/sister at the hospital Thursday night. It was really nerve wrecking, standing outside the door, anticipating what will happen after we (Alexis and I) walked in. M does not want to see anyone right now, she is very stubborn, angry and can be quite intimidating. Despite all my nervousness, earlier that day I made the decision to give it all up to God and trust what was suppose to happen.

God is magical.

It was difficult to see her, how her body has taken to the aggressive beating she has put it thru. She is so fragile, and beneath that hard layer of toughness she projects I know deep within she is fearful, loss, and desiring love. I did not cry for the sake that my falling apart would drain her. We stood for an hour, and I am blessed to have had that time with her.

Since then her condition is decreasing. That was the last night she has been coherant. They still cannot find the exact location of the infection in her heart, and now she has developed fluid around her heart. Yesterday they put a endo tube down her throat, sedating her for the purpose of breathing. Her kidneys are now being affected. She is in the ICU. I am going to see her shortly . . .

I am scared in so many ways. I am so grateful to I have the support of the people in program that have been in similiar situations and know the dark reality of this selfish disease.

Thank you God for my sponsor, her guidence and love at this time is so paramount. And for Alexis, that together we are learning to stay sober and trudge thru this time. "T", for his dedication and love for "M", I pray God that you keep him close and continue to fuel his strength at this time. For all the emails I have gotten and comments on my blog -- I am truly grateful for your support and words, they help fuel my passion for this program, more so, for You, God's children.

I thank God for my life, that I have been so blessed in a number of ways which I could not grasp 2 years ago. A new freedom, a new beginning, happening today despite this cloud of darkenss that lingers over. Thru the clouds there are pinholes of sum beams that are so powerful, I feel them shining on my soul.

From all of me, thank you for you love.