Yaaaaaay, Happy

What a beautiful weekend. In the first few months of my recovery I feared this time of the Holidays soooo much. I had no idea how I was gonna get by without a drink. It was last year when my Dz consumed all of me, and I was in daily blackouts. I survived and more importantly am enjoying this time sober, being loved and loving all. Sounds cheezy, who cares!

I read this amazing sticker today on a truck:

NO GOD
KNOW FEAR
KNOW GOD
NO FEAR

That says it all. I have never felt this alive. As Mitch and I took Olive to the park tonight I heard myself say "this is too good to be true, is it gonna end?" I'm the kind of alcoholic who finds comfort in deep resent, it is safer that way (my sick illusion and an old idea that I am trying to change).

Gratitude List:
1) Mel, thank u for starting the SIA meeting. So many self mutilate and who can we relate to? We look like the freaks of all freaks, who in their right mind would do such harm to themselves?
2) Alice, for showing me that getting this for the first time is possible. Your recovery is so inspiring to me. You show me that it is possible to get this without being a relapser.
3) My "normie" friends that support me as a member of AA
4) Mitch, for never giving up on me
5) Laughter, I laughed so much today, ohhhhh that feels soooooo good!
6) This fellowship
7) The online bloggers that share their stories and themselves -- u all make me excited about recovery!!!

Still abstinent, still sober, and no cutting!