Hopeless with Hope

I just learned from my bro that my dad pulled up to my Aunt's house and has not showered for a week. He is so sick and I know that his disease is trying to take him down completely. I do not know how to feel about this. On one side, I see recovery, love and hope. On the other, I see evil, truth, hopelessness, and darkness. I am grateful for my life today. It is God's grace that allows me to live this life -- why not my father? This is baffling and more is being revealed.

Thank you my sober sisters Alexis and Mel. I had such a beautiful time with you girls last night at the play. What a gift to see Bill and Bob's story and share in intimate conversation with these people. I hope to trudge the road with them, and am willing to build on this sistership.

Mel wants to go to some Al-anon meetings. I want to do this. I grew up in an alcoholic family, and want to understand the family disease. I am affected today -- the man who gave me birth lives with no life in him. Oh God will you watch over my dad, and help me to know how to be with this.

I had a growing experience with my sponsor and through my frustration that was provided by her words I saw truth. I did not see this at first and was so obsessed by her reaction -- I was able to see the truth, not my truth. Growing sucks, but I REALLY realize now that I do have a really great sponsor and am grateful for her. I know that my EGO was getting in the way of how I should be sponsored. I am such a fool. My program is going along good, not perfect, and I need to accept this. I am sober and attempting to live in my spiritual growth. Why do I want to change what is already working? I think that it can be so better, that illusion, that committee in my mind, there it goes again. SHUT IT UP!

I love my sponsor and look forward to trudging my path with her. So, if you are reading, I love you and will learn to tell you this! Thank you for loving me.