Sober Chick

Here are the unleashed pages of a sober chick in recovery. My journey (date of sobriety) began on June 13th, 2005. For 29 years of my life I was spiritually sick. Emotinally defeated by drunken black-outs, bulimic binging and purging episodes and self-mutilation, I finally surrendered.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Hopeless with Hope


I just learned from my bro that my dad pulled up to my Aunt's house and has not showered for a week. He is so sick and I know that his disease is trying to take him down completely. I do not know how to feel about this. On one side, I see recovery, love and hope. On the other, I see evil, truth, hopelessness, and darkness. I am grateful for my life today. It is God's grace that allows me to live this life -- why not my father? This is baffling and more is being revealed.

Thank you my sober sisters Alexis and Mel. I had such a beautiful time with you girls last night at the play. What a gift to see Bill and Bob's story and share in intimate conversation with these people. I hope to trudge the road with them, and am willing to build on this sistership.

Mel wants to go to some Al-anon meetings. I want to do this. I grew up in an alcoholic family, and want to understand the family disease. I am affected today -- the man who gave me birth lives with no life in him. Oh God will you watch over my dad, and help me to know how to be with this.

I had a growing experience with my sponsor and through my frustration that was provided by her words I saw truth. I did not see this at first and was so obsessed by her reaction -- I was able to see the truth, not my truth. Growing sucks, but I REALLY realize now that I do have a really great sponsor and am grateful for her. I know that my EGO was getting in the way of how I should be sponsored. I am such a fool. My program is going along good, not perfect, and I need to accept this. I am sober and attempting to live in my spiritual growth. Why do I want to change what is already working? I think that it can be so better, that illusion, that committee in my mind, there it goes again. SHUT IT UP!

I love my sponsor and look forward to trudging my path with her. So, if you are reading, I love you and will learn to tell you this! Thank you for loving me.

5 Comments:

At 12/11/2005 4:40 AM, Blogger Trudging tells all . . .

There is a lot in God's world that I don't understand. One of the bigest things is why I got sober and got to live a great life and others did not. Why did I get to live and others died. Today I am ok with not know the answers

 
At 12/11/2005 5:28 AM, Blogger dAAve tells all . . .

Trudging (above) is so right. Even more perplexing is why so many choose not to have recovery after exposure to it in the rooms of AA. Oh well.

Welcome to our little sober community in the blogosphere. We are many; we are few. Click on either of our names to find others who are Trudging the Road of Happy Destiny. One Day at a Time.

 
At 12/11/2005 11:12 AM, Blogger Mary Christine tells all . . .

It is hard to watch those we love suffer when we know there is a solution. I have never found a logical explanation for who gets sober and who doesn't. I just thank God that I am sober today.
And I will thank God that you are too!

 
At 12/12/2005 2:01 PM, Blogger AAwoken tells all . . .

"Spiritual progress, not spiritual perfection..."

Turdgy sent me over... Nice blog. Welcome to the little corner of the web called recovery blogging.

 
At 12/13/2005 6:29 AM, Blogger muylajuana tells all . . .

Trudging sent me over. Hope you and Mel go to some Al-Anon meetings. It'll make a huge difference. I'm Al-Anon by way of my two sons, my dear older sister who is gone now, and my first cousin--not to mention ex-three husbands. It's so sad to watch people you love and are powerless over destroy thie lives.

 

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