Sober Chick

Here are the unleashed pages of a sober chick in recovery. My journey (date of sobriety) began on June 13th, 2005. For 29 years of my life I was spiritually sick. Emotinally defeated by drunken black-outs, bulimic binging and purging episodes and self-mutilation, I finally surrendered.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Thank you God, but still sad :(

I am so sad. The other side of love is loss. I found home for the kittens. I am scared. I have this wrong idea that my love for them is the only love for them. I worry if they will be happy, safe, have a good vet, never experience fear, needs are met, etc. I am trying so hard to leave it up to God and TRUST that they will be ok because they are under His care, as they are now. I am just helping God out right?

Mitch and I are living together again. I am so content with this. It is really different living with him. I feared this "different" when I entered Casa. Never would I have imagined this serenity, this peace.

I am excited that I have not binged/purged since Friday. I had a moment of clarity, and prayed to God Friday night in the upstairs bathroom to help me find the right home for the kittens. I proceeded to pray for me -- to ask for help. I asked God to help me stop doing this to my body.

The next morning, I woke up to go the Sunrise meeting then the OA meeting. What a spiritual morning. Something was in store for me, and I was ok. At the OA meeting God placed a newcomer next to me.

At break I introduced myself to her. I discovered that was her first meeting ever. I could see the fear in her eyes, such great pain. I started to share my experience with her, and the shame I feel about what I do with food. I remember that I was smiling, and excited to speak about recovery. She was so broken, she could only say her name, and not admit yet to what she was.

She was puzzled at how warm and welcoming the room was. She was amazed to see everyone laughing and sharing openly about their secrets. Although she was so terrified of this new entity, I saw that somehow she was provided with a sense of hope. I gave her a tight hug, welcomed her, and said she is in the right place, and will soon discover a life never imagined.

Thank you God for allowing me to be the one to greet her into this program. Help her to keep coming back -- grant her you grace.

She emailed me. She made my day.

128 Days Sober
3 Days abstinent going for day 4 today!


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