Sober Chick

Here are the unleashed pages of a sober chick in recovery. My journey (date of sobriety) began on June 13th, 2005. For 29 years of my life I was spiritually sick. Emotinally defeated by drunken black-outs, bulimic binging and purging episodes and self-mutilation, I finally surrendered.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Scattered!

Today I am feeling really irritable. Guess who is the fortunate one that gets my attitude????

I am excited about Full potential. Dennis needs my 2 package files complete by this Sunday. It is amazing how productive I am sober! Dale will be in China , leaving Sunday hence my deadline. Consequently, I had to be absent to the Woman's Stag tonight. I just got back -- had to set up coffee, God forbid if the coffee is not made. Resentful little alcoholic sisters they would be! Ha!

The energy at Casa is amazing. That place is so sacred, and God has his angels all over the home. I got a really good hug from Regina. She is one I want to get close to. I really need to get closer to some of these women. I am still hurt by Victoria. I have been hearing so much through my sisters. They say it is wise to stay away from her, her relapse is worse than ever. WHEN will she ever get it?

I realize I have resent towards her, and am just as guilty with my secrets. In some ways, she mirrors what I don't want -- I don't want what she has yet am fostering a symptom of my illness daily. I was talking to God the other day about my eating disorder. I want to do His will, and feel that I am not worthy of prayer, and His love because I abuse my body - that which houses my soul -- so badly.

Dawn says Victoria looks like shit. I am sure that her outsides represent my insides.

I want to be recovered, but this program is that of action. To be of service, to have a spiritual experience and give it away again and again, to put AA first and have faith that all else will follow, to completely surrender and allow God to take away all of my character defects. I heard a speaker the other day say that God leaves us with some of our defects. This allows us to help others. It makes sense.

Still smiling and hopeful . . . Thak u for sending me the kittens.

1 Comments:

At 10/27/2005 9:33 PM, Blogger Susan Hanson tells all . . .

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