My 1st Letter to God

Tonight I came across my written work I did while at Casa. I remember MC posting something about her reflecting on her self discovery thru writing during the beginning of her recovery by reading her journals. It has only been a year since, nonetheless I am very grateful I saved these journals, and will continue to save them to ponder at the one of the most significant events in my life which gave me life . . .

Dear God,

I hear glorius things about you and that you work miracles. People that I love hold you so close to thier hearts. There are churches, ministers, pastors, and so many more that hold as your messengers. I hear words of worship and thanks -- for you have saved the lives of people by spiritually existing in their souls. If you are so great, greater than myself, why am I so spiritually blocked to feel you? The concept of you to exist in my soul I have rejected for years. I no longer want to have my soul untouched by you. I am inviting you into my being. Please show me you are walking with me, along my path. Please help me to completely surrender and feel you in my soul. For the first time in my life, I am willing, and I can see I am not alone . . .

Christina
June 2005

I am a spiritually sick person. My disease is harbored by my process of thought. It is deseperate as I was once, and will forever manifest into something new -- if not alcoholISM then self injury, bulimia or perhaps some other quick fix yet for me to venture onto. I am a warrior fighting a beast that will not remain dormant. This battle is not exclusively combatted alone . . . I am among spiritual heros that borne "Hope" and promise of internal freedom . . .

For the first time last night I heard of an AA member having 2 sponsors, a food sponsor and an AA sponsor. I pray for the willingness to allow God to sieze my soul again, for I am picking and choosing what to give him in this moment in my life . . . "release me from the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy Will . . . "

maintaining grAAtitude:
- GOD's constant love
- a serene morning with Mitch & espicially opening up to continuous laughter
- God intervening yesterday leading us to seats at Crown City
- Kathy's experience, strength and hope last nite
- Alexis and Mel, the women I hope to continue trudjing with
- Saying YES to lead the Crown City speaker meeting in 2 weeks
- Women's Stags
- Air Conditioning
- That my grandma's dog is doing great on her new diabetic insulin injections, gained 2 pounds and is not urinating inappropriately (wt loss and such do to untreated diatbetic condition)
- My hug from Laury last night at Casa
- Gay men and how 99% make me giggle at their silliness
- That my mom is turning 50 on Tuesday and I will be sober for her birthday :) (God keep me)
- But of course, all my sober peeps showing me how to do this all!