Sober Chick

Here are the unleashed pages of a sober chick in recovery. My journey (date of sobriety) began on June 13th, 2005. For 29 years of my life I was spiritually sick. Emotinally defeated by drunken black-outs, bulimic binging and purging episodes and self-mutilation, I finally surrendered.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

My 1st Letter to God


Tonight I came across my written work I did while at Casa. I remember MC posting something about her reflecting on her self discovery thru writing during the beginning of her recovery by reading her journals. It has only been a year since, nonetheless I am very grateful I saved these journals, and will continue to save them to ponder at the one of the most significant events in my life which gave me life . . .

Dear God,

I hear glorius things about you and that you work miracles. People that I love hold you so close to thier hearts. There are churches, ministers, pastors, and so many more that hold as your messengers. I hear words of worship and thanks -- for you have saved the lives of people by spiritually existing in their souls. If you are so great, greater than myself, why am I so spiritually blocked to feel you? The concept of you to exist in my soul I have rejected for years. I no longer want to have my soul untouched by you. I am inviting you into my being. Please show me you are walking with me, along my path. Please help me to completely surrender and feel you in my soul. For the first time in my life, I am willing, and I can see I am not alone . . .

Christina

June 2005

I am a spiritually sick person. My disease is harbored by my process of thought. It is deseperate as I was once, and will forever manifest into something new -- if not alcoholISM then self injury, bulimia or perhaps some other quick fix yet for me to venture onto. I am a warrior fighting a beast that will not remain dormant. This battle is not exclusively combatted alone . . . I am among spiritual heros that borne "Hope" and promise of internal freedom . . .

For the first time last night I heard of an AA member having 2 sponsors, a food sponsor and an AA sponsor. I pray for the willingness to allow God to sieze my soul again, for I am picking and choosing what to give him in this moment in my life . . . "release me from the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy Will . . . "

maintaining grAAtitude:
- GOD's constant love
- a serene morning with Mitch & espicially opening up to continuous laughter
- God intervening yesterday leading us to seats at Crown City
- Kathy's experience, strength and hope last nite
- Alexis and Mel, the women I hope to continue trudjing with
- Saying YES to lead the Crown City speaker meeting in 2 weeks
- Women's Stags
- Air Conditioning
- That my grandma's dog is doing great on her new diabetic insulin injections, gained 2 pounds and is not urinating inappropriately (wt loss and such do to untreated diatbetic condition)
- My hug from Laury last night at Casa
- Gay men and how 99% make me giggle at their silliness
- That my mom is turning 50 on Tuesday and I will be sober for her birthday :) (God keep me)
- But of course, all my sober peeps showing me how to do this all!

11 Comments:

At 7/22/2006 11:21 PM, Blogger lash505 tells all . . .

How cool is that to read that letter. I had a journal in rehab and I haven't read it in a long time. I will try to read it tonight.

 
At 7/23/2006 1:17 PM, Blogger Rex tells all . . .

I just did an inventory for my one year anniversary. I went back through journals of the last several years. It was an amazing journey.

 
At 7/23/2006 3:03 PM, Blogger Mary Christine tells all . . .

SC, your letter to God made me cry. Not just little tears either. Thanks for sharing with us.

 
At 7/23/2006 7:45 PM, Blogger Gwen tells all . . .

I use to write to God all the time. I had a shoe box full of letters to God. For me I had to let all that stuff go and that is what I did. I physically let it go. I also have a journal that I write to God. That is different in content and filled with much more gratitude and thanks. I started that much later in sobriety. Thank you so much for sharing this very intimate part of your recovery. ((((hugs))))

 
At 7/23/2006 8:54 PM, Blogger Tab tells all . . .

Reflections are so important and what an amazing oppurtunity for you to have that to read back on. I hope you find the love of yourself as a means of connecting with your higher power or god Sober Chick."Believing" isn't just a Disney slogan...its for real!
Thank you for sharing your hope with all of us every post Sober Chick..
you are a beautiful inspiration~

 
At 7/23/2006 10:25 PM, Blogger Alcoholic Brain tells all . . .

Don't minimize the one year thing. It helps the brain to journal. I had to rewire mine. I sense you are beginning to open another door into the beauty of being free of fear. Conscious contact...You are right on!

 
At 7/24/2006 6:18 AM, Blogger Scott W tells all . . .

What a lovely post. I would love to be there at Crown City when you speak.

 
At 7/24/2006 6:26 AM, Blogger NMAMFQLMSH tells all . . .

Great post SC. Great grateful list too.
Have a kickass Monday.
I see you,
JJ

 
At 7/24/2006 6:48 PM, Blogger Da Gal tells all . . .

Great post indeed! I love it when you share things from your time in treatment and also apply them to where you are today along the path.

I have enjoyed more than one sponsor for the past couple of years and it has really filled in the gaps in my program that left to my own devices I am more than happy to nurture weeds in.

Seek out what you need and the teacher will show up - you are ready.

 
At 7/24/2006 9:49 PM, Blogger butterflygirl tells all . . .

Thanks for sharing your letter.

 
At 7/27/2006 6:15 AM, Blogger Christine tells all . . .

1st--you beauty! I love you

2nd--I sponsor a woman in Alanon who has 2 primary programs--OA and AA and sponsors in each-- I always defer to her primary programs--

let me know if you'd like to talk to her--She has 7 or 8 years or more in OA & AA and 7 soon in Alanon.

Keep taking care of you

 

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