No Human Power . . .

Last night I heard a woman say that alcoholism saved her life in her teens. If she did not have alcohol, she would have been a teen suicide. I thought that was very interesting.

My grandma (my Dad's mom) recently took in my dad to live with while he attempted another life long attempt to get sober. He bailed. She does not have the knowledge of the disease the Big Book speaks about and is baffled by the simple idea "why can't my love save him?" I tried to explain to her that no love can save him, NO HUMAN POWER can save him. That is overwhelming to those family members affected by alcoholism. I remember begging my dad to please stop drinking one more time, I was 7. I am 30 now, and he is closer to death than ever. His death is slow, but I am powerless over it all. My love as a daughter cannot save him.

Last year I hit my Utimate broken state at this time, my denial crumbled, my truth revealed. I could not trust myself to not drink. The love of my family was not enough to keep me from daily drinking binges. I ask God that I never forget what that felt like, that I continue to be God conscious.

I am clear about step 1. I know that if I drink, I will die, maybe in a few months, maybe in a few years, but it is the exactness of my future. The rest of the steps are tools to help me get closer to this awe-inspiring Higher Power, God.

todAAy i am truly thAAnkful & grAAteful:
- Gratitude, Serenity, Humbleness & God -- these words are a part of my vocabulary 2day
- 2 give Mel a cake last night
- that Laury found her way back to Casa
- Jazz pumping delight into my ears
- the sober party 2-morrow to celebrate Mel & Alexis' natal birthdays
- I can screw up and admit my wrong doing
- 2 B in Love
- my animals, thier stubborness & the ability to laugh at it all
- to wake up sober, period!
- And *** hAAppy BirthdAAy JJ*** You are such a miracle!

"each day can be like a rose unfluring . . . some flowers will be more perfect than others . . . each stage of of the petals' unfolding can bring wonder and delight if I do not interfere or let my expectations override my acceptance."
DAILY REFLECTIONS p. 199