Sober Chick

Here are the unleashed pages of a sober chick in recovery. My journey (date of sobriety) began on June 13th, 2005. For 29 years of my life I was spiritually sick. Emotinally defeated by drunken black-outs, bulimic binging and purging episodes and self-mutilation, I finally surrendered.

Friday, June 09, 2006

No Human Power . . .

Last night I heard a woman say that alcoholism saved her life in her teens. If she did not have alcohol, she would have been a teen suicide. I thought that was very interesting.

My grandma (my Dad's mom) recently took in my dad to live with while he attempted another life long attempt to get sober. He bailed. She does not have the knowledge of the disease the Big Book speaks about and is baffled by the simple idea "why can't my love save him?" I tried to explain to her that no love can save him, NO HUMAN POWER can save him. That is overwhelming to those family members affected by alcoholism. I remember begging my dad to please stop drinking one more time, I was 7. I am 30 now, and he is closer to death than ever. His death is slow, but I am powerless over it all. My love as a daughter cannot save him.

Last year I hit my Utimate broken state at this time, my denial crumbled, my truth revealed. I could not trust myself to not drink. The love of my family was not enough to keep me from daily drinking binges. I ask God that I never forget what that felt like, that I continue to be God conscious.

I am clear about step 1. I know that if I drink, I will die, maybe in a few months, maybe in a few years, but it is the exactness of my future. The rest of the steps are tools to help me get closer to this awe-inspiring Higher Power, God.

todAAy i am truly thAAnkful & grAAteful:
- Gratitude, Serenity, Humbleness & God -- these words are a part of my vocabulary 2day
- 2 give Mel a cake last night
- that Laury found her way back to Casa
- Jazz pumping delight into my ears
- the sober party 2-morrow to celebrate Mel & Alexis' natal birthdays
- I can screw up and admit my wrong doing
- 2 B in Love
- my animals, thier stubborness & the ability to laugh at it all
- to wake up sober, period!
- And *** hAAppy BirthdAAy JJ*** You are such a miracle!

"each day can be like a rose unfluring . . . some flowers will be more perfect than others . . . each stage of of the petals' unfolding can bring wonder and delight if I do not interfere or let my expectations override my acceptance."
DAILY REFLECTIONS p. 199

19 Comments:

At 6/09/2006 10:53 AM, Blogger sirreene tells all . . .

Your post is so POWERFUL and incredibly sad. Again, I pull from your strength and even today I need it. Thank you.

 
At 6/09/2006 10:59 AM, Blogger Tab tells all . . .

I know all about that wishful thinking about a drunk and diseased Dad getting healthy and happy Soberchic.Your program will help you so much in acceptance .
You sound like you are taking such beautiful care of your life these days and I appreciate you sharing ~

 
At 6/09/2006 2:23 PM, Blogger Diego tells all . . .

thanks again for bringin' such a powerful message of recovery...you are a miracle.....I'll say a prayer for your Dad....take care...

 
At 6/09/2006 3:03 PM, Anonymous red head gal tells all . . .

thank you for sharing.

 
At 6/09/2006 4:13 PM, Blogger BigSkymAAck tells all . . .

I feel what you are going through with a family member. I have been there and found that the best thing I can do is keep my focus on my recovery first. You are a cool lady

 
At 6/09/2006 5:26 PM, Blogger dAAve tells all . . .

Good post and thoughts about you Dad.
And a great little gift to JJ.

 
At 6/09/2006 7:18 PM, Blogger lash505 tells all . . .

Keep your program strong, the statistics are against us.

 
At 6/09/2006 7:23 PM, Blogger butterflygirl tells all . . .

Your post are so awesome to read. Keep strong, believe and have faith. Enjoy your weekend!

 
At 6/10/2006 2:31 AM, Blogger Gwen tells all . . .

Oh how I understand about the family. I have so many in mine including my dad (a binger) who are dying in a way they do not need to. That long painful hurtful way. Destructively touching everyone in the path of it. Watching others can be so painful. My cousin has tried time and time again to stop and just can not. Why DO some get it? It is a mystery and makes me deeply grateful. My girlfriend and I say ~ if they are breathing there is hope. We had a woman in our group came in at 83. She is still sober maybe 5yrs? Golfs and enjoys her sobriety. She is a miracle as we all are.

Blessings going out to you and yours.

 
At 6/10/2006 5:23 AM, Blogger Scott tells all . . .

dang this disease just really sucks... I am praying for you and your dad, and am so grateful that you have found the rooms. You never know when you can be a good Big Book for your dad. You cannot get him sober, but at least you're there! God Bless...

peace to you and your family, I am so praying for y'all...

 
At 6/10/2006 8:12 AM, Blogger Shannon tells all . . .

sending you and your grandma a BIG HUG

 
At 6/10/2006 8:42 AM, Blogger psychbaby tells all . . .

hey sc, just trying out my linkage... set up a new acct and testing (sorry to start with you and change the subject).

You are an inspiration to me soberchick!!
xoxo

 
At 6/10/2006 12:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous tells all . . .

It is hard to watch someone, well anyone, we love suffer and not be able to help, especially when we know their pain all too well. You and your Dad are in my prayers. Hang in there like I know you can.

 
At 6/10/2006 5:54 PM, Blogger Mary Christine tells all . . .

I had to let my dad be my greatest teacher. He had 10 years sober at one time and got angry and drank again, and never was able to stop as long as he lived - another 17 agonizing years. It is so hard to watch. Thanks for sharing with us Sober Chick.

 
At 6/10/2006 7:32 PM, Blogger Christine tells all . . .

Love might not be enuf, I know but there is always hope for recovery and you carry a powerful message now--
prayers are with you and your family
Miracles happen every day.

 
At 6/10/2006 8:56 PM, Blogger ~MsManna~ tells all . . .

It is hard to watch others affected by addictions go thru without a program. My heart goes out to you and your grandma. Powerful words. Thanks.

 
At 6/11/2006 6:48 PM, Blogger NMAMFQLMSH tells all . . .

Thank you sweetie!
I see you,
JJ

 
At 6/12/2006 3:52 AM, Blogger Trudging tells all . . .

I love this pictrue of you and your Dad. I think you have posted it before. I am glad you are sober today.

 
At 6/12/2006 6:25 AM, Blogger Rex tells all . . .

I know it's tough to watch. My Mom is very near the end too.

 

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