A little out of place 2day

The worst I thought of my Grandma's dog is true, she is diabetic. This is not a death sentence but now there is a consideration of who is gonna give the insulin injections and who is going to continue to pay the vet bills. I can do so much, and feel as if I have opened a can of worms. Mitch and I sat yesterday and developed our budget, we are now buying the condo we live in and payments begin next month.

I am scared but excited. I live comfortably, and now have to be financially conscious over everything starting this month. Some of my spending habits are horrible. I know that I shop when I feel bad, and it is a quick fix that I have been working program on. I remember during the beginning of my sobriety I cried over shopping at one meeting when I shared -- today I know the right place to dump, with my sponsor and sober friends outside of the AA rooms, however my homegroup was so patient with me. One main reason I kept coming back!

So this weekend I put Chiquita on a wellness plan, she got vaccinated and had her stool tested. I am also paying for her to get a dental prophy, urinalysis, free office visits, etc (all under the Basic Wellness Plan). I also got her a box of Advantix. Now, I have 1 senior dog and 4 cats of my own -- my own obligations in addition to the new tight budget starting next month. I feel so HORRIBLE now, because I cannot afford to pay for all of Chiquita's medical bills -- the diabetic maintenence. In addition, I feel a resent has been forming. My cousin lives with my grandma. She is in her mid 30s, never has had a job, has no motivation to look for a job, is fearful of the world, blah blah blah. Enough of her inventory, I know she really is sick, and cannot blame her for not taking any efforts to help out my grandma financially. I love her and pray that she will discover some internal healing and courage. She really is a good person, but is a very lost soul.

I feel that this is a little life, and that by stating I cannot afford to pay for all of this does not make me wrong, but there is some part of me that feels hurtful (as if I need to find a way to take this on, to fund her medical bills). Nonetheless there are things in my life that I need to keep in order and be responsible. I need to discuss this one with my sponsor. One time she told me to stop fostering bottle fed kittens, that I needed to focus on my recovery plan and work with other alcoholics, not masking my fears of this by helping animals. I was so upset when she told me this, because she was Right.

I gotta pray about this and listen for God's direction.

todAAy i am thAAnkful & grAAteful:
- that God loves me even when I try to take His job over
- my sober sister's Mel's 1st year birthday today
- my sponsor
- that I am ok with not exercising for the past 2 weeks due to my work commitments (not feeling that consumed guilt)
- that next Tuesday, with God's grace, I will have 365 consecutive days of sobriety!!!
- Mr Incredible & his gift to me which allows me to pay off my truck 1 year early this week
- for the new bloggers, recoverygirll and teachable alcoholic.
- M&Ms and dark chocolate, a need each month 4 me and that need is right now!
- for everyone here that takes time out and read my post and supports my recovery.