Sober Chick

Here are the unleashed pages of a sober chick in recovery. My journey (date of sobriety) began on June 13th, 2005. For 29 years of my life I was spiritually sick. Emotinally defeated by drunken black-outs, bulimic binging and purging episodes and self-mutilation, I finally surrendered.

Monday, June 05, 2006

A little out of place 2day

The worst I thought of my Grandma's dog is true, she is diabetic. This is not a death sentence but now there is a consideration of who is gonna give the insulin injections and who is going to continue to pay the vet bills. I can do so much, and feel as if I have opened a can of worms. Mitch and I sat yesterday and developed our budget, we are now buying the condo we live in and payments begin next month.

I am scared but excited. I live comfortably, and now have to be financially conscious over everything starting this month. Some of my spending habits are horrible. I know that I shop when I feel bad, and it is a quick fix that I have been working program on. I remember during the beginning of my sobriety I cried over shopping at one meeting when I shared -- today I know the right place to dump, with my sponsor and sober friends outside of the AA rooms, however my homegroup was so patient with me. One main reason I kept coming back!

So this weekend I put Chiquita on a wellness plan, she got vaccinated and had her stool tested. I am also paying for her to get a dental prophy, urinalysis, free office visits, etc (all under the Basic Wellness Plan). I also got her a box of Advantix. Now, I have 1 senior dog and 4 cats of my own -- my own obligations in addition to the new tight budget starting next month. I feel so HORRIBLE now, because I cannot afford to pay for all of Chiquita's medical bills -- the diabetic maintenence. In addition, I feel a resent has been forming. My cousin lives with my grandma. She is in her mid 30s, never has had a job, has no motivation to look for a job, is fearful of the world, blah blah blah. Enough of her inventory, I know she really is sick, and cannot blame her for not taking any efforts to help out my grandma financially. I love her and pray that she will discover some internal healing and courage. She really is a good person, but is a very lost soul.

I feel that this is a little life, and that by stating I cannot afford to pay for all of this does not make me wrong, but there is some part of me that feels hurtful (as if I need to find a way to take this on, to fund her medical bills). Nonetheless there are things in my life that I need to keep in order and be responsible. I need to discuss this one with my sponsor. One time she told me to stop fostering bottle fed kittens, that I needed to focus on my recovery plan and work with other alcoholics, not masking my fears of this by helping animals. I was so upset when she told me this, because she was Right.

I gotta pray about this and listen for God's direction.


todAAy i am thAAnkful & grAAteful:
- that God loves me even when I try to take His job over
- my sober sister's Mel's 1st year birthday today
- my sponsor
- that I am ok with not exercising for the past 2 weeks due to my work commitments (not feeling that consumed guilt)
- that next Tuesday, with God's grace, I will have 365 consecutive days of sobriety!!!
- Mr Incredible & his gift to me which allows me to pay off my truck 1 year early this week
- for the new bloggers, recoverygirll and teachable alcoholic.
- M&Ms and dark chocolate, a need each month 4 me and that need is right now!
- for everyone here that takes time out and read my post and supports my recovery.

10 Comments:

At 6/05/2006 6:20 PM, Blogger Mary Christine tells all . . .

Good luck with all of that. Please remember to take care of Sober Chick. You are coming up on a momentous anniversary, and it can be a hairy time.

Take Good Care.

 
At 6/05/2006 7:42 PM, Blogger dAAve tells all . . .

I am not sure if this applies, but I will repeat one thing I have heard. Please discard it if necessary.

"There are no victims. There are only volunteers."

 
At 6/05/2006 7:51 PM, Blogger butterflygirl tells all . . .

Kudos to Mr. Incredible.

 
At 6/05/2006 9:49 PM, Blogger BigSkymAAck tells all . . .

Ditto MC God will provide somehow for the pooch, make sure you are taking care of yourself

 
At 6/05/2006 11:20 PM, Blogger lash505 tells all . . .

Its life on lifes terms not ours. We just have to remain sober. The condo will be a cool thing for you guys.

 
At 6/06/2006 9:29 AM, Blogger Tab tells all . . .

That whole animal thing is true,you know it and I know it...that is why it is nice to LOOK(not adopt!) and admire but keep focused on our big pictures in life.
US! You got it going on Sober! The whole money budget thing is tough but a great guide to our progress and where we still need work.
At the end of the day , our lives are about personal meaning...you will meet the montly payments etc...!
It is so great to hear you continue focusing your efforts in life on yourself and your man.
Keep us posted,you have so much to share !!! Thank you for all of it here in your blog and comments you make to others :)

 
At 6/06/2006 6:12 PM, Blogger Shannon tells all . . .

hey SC 359 days Woohooooooo

 
At 6/06/2006 8:17 PM, Blogger Da Gal tells all . . .

SC - you are such a beautiful woman. I hope you see that and know that in your heart. Your spirit speaks through these words and touches my heart.

Your courage to share here the way you do encourages me to continue sharing my story too.

Thank you. Thanks for being exactly who you are!

 
At 6/09/2006 7:28 AM, Blogger Gwen tells all . . .

God will carry you. Let go and live in the moment. Easier said than done but when it is done it makes things soooo much better.

 
At 7/21/2006 8:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous tells all . . .

Your are Excellent. And so is your site! Keep up the good work. Bookmarked.
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