There are no coincidences here!

During the first month or so after asking someone to be my sponsor I felt I knew what was best for me. I was thinking of getting a new one. Why? Because I thought I knew the correct way that I should be sponsored. Her way was not my way. Needless to say I had lots of humility to experience. Wasn't it my best thinking that got me to Alcoholics Anonymous in the first place?

My GOD truly is working miracles in my life. Sometimes I feel sad, hurt, angry etc. This is OK. My negative emotions are not an indication of my progression, or more so the LACK OF progression. I can hurt, I can cry, I can feel like Poop, and I can still grow spiritually.

Drinking and bulimia took a lot of maintenence every day, every hour and every minute. My participation of these behaviors are symptoms of my disease -- a sick spirit. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonynous does not teach me how to "not drink." It teaches me how to live in the solution, it teaches me how to decompress the EGO so I can live life on life's terms, it shows me how to grow closer to the God of my understanding. Just as I needed to do things to maintain my bulimia and alcoholism, I need to do things to maintain my the sobriety and abstinance from bulimia. My soul needs spiritual medicine.

Yesterday my emotions were off. I was in an EXTEME funk. Action Action Action!!! I picked up my little sober sister and went to a meeting. Ahhh, some relief from self. I woke up and made it to Sunrise this morning. I sat next to a Casa girl (19 days thus far for her, no coincidence here huh?!?) -- she rose her hand and shared. She is so broken she could barely complete a sentence without tears. I got to express some unconditional love towards her. I got to be out of myself. As the meeting continued I got to see her tears turn to laughter. What a miracle to see.

After, I met with my sponsor and we had an astonishing spiritual moment. More release from self. I am thankful that I did not get in God's way early in my recovery and act upon my "OWN PLAN OF RECOVERY."

todAAy i have grAAtitude 4:
*** sponsorship
*** the courage to share my intimate pain with my sponsor.
*** that I can trust, get hurt, and trust again
*** the power discovered of one alcoholic working with another alcoholic
*** Humility
*** the time spent with Alexis last night at Crown City.
*** Old Timers and their message
*** the Newcomer
*** that I got to see Fin take a 6 month chip. I pray that she gets it this time.
*** this is a program NOT of self-pity
*** that I am in love today with a wonderful man; that our relationship has areas of imperfection; that imperfection is ok
*** my Mom's love & Aunt Ona's love & support
*** for you reading my post right now ;) & your support