Sober Chick

Here are the unleashed pages of a sober chick in recovery. My journey (date of sobriety) began on June 13th, 2005. For 29 years of my life I was spiritually sick. Emotinally defeated by drunken black-outs, bulimic binging and purging episodes and self-mutilation, I finally surrendered.

Monday, April 03, 2006

The Truth


Getting back to the routine here on Monday. I am so refreshed from taking this past Thursday and Friday. I was not very productive and you know, I am not housing guilt because of it.

I was suppose to do my 4th step yesterday and meet my sponsor at her office at 2:00 pm. All morning I pondered what little white lie I can tell her to get out of it. I did not have it done. My time management was not structured resulting in an incomplete 4th step. In my head I did not define my future action as a "lie." I was just trying to be clever about my approach -- Ya Right!

It never occured to me to just tell her the truth -- I got caught up in doing nothing these past 4 days and have not completed my 4th hence am not ready. I sent an email and somehow I wrote truthfully about the status of my 4th. Then we spoke on the phone shortly after and everything is ok. I did not "have" to be dishonest, there was no reason. So why the idea to think that I needed to lie? I do not fear my 4th step, I am actaully looking forward to, as one sober sister put it, "getting the poison out." There is fear there, only it is in my word of not being ready, suited up and present. It is failure to complete an action on my part. I do not want to disappoint her. However I realize the disappointment lies in how I handle the situation. I had the choice to accept my failure or deny it by lying (of course only I would know and I DO NOT want to shelter this behavior). Acceptance is my responsibility and allows me to be human.

"We finally saw that the inventory should be ours, not the other man's. So we admitted our wrongs honestly and became willing to set these matters straight."
April 3rd, Daily Reflections

6 Comments:

At 4/03/2006 4:48 PM, Blogger butterflygirl tells all . . .

Why is it so difficult for us to be accepting? I'm proud of you!

 
At 4/03/2006 5:40 PM, Blogger Gwen tells all . . .

I know the feeling of not wanting to disappoint. Honestly - coming from the sponsor end - I am just happy when I am told the truth. Lets face it, there isn't anything that we have not all done.

I was one of those people who felt huge relief after doing my fourth. For me it came from finally getting honest with ME. Then it was easy to be honest with others. I don't think I knew enough to feel ashamed. Just admitting my yuck was so freeing. I felt like I no longer had to be "on". I did not have to pretend - to myself - anymore. Everyone is different. Your journey is yours and yours alone. I am looking forward to hearing more about your recovery with the Steps. Its good stuff ;)
G-

 
At 4/03/2006 10:50 PM, Blogger Rex tells all . . .

I have learned, many times the hard way, that honesty is always the only answer

 
At 4/03/2006 10:55 PM, Blogger lash505 tells all . . .

What we did best was lie. The only thing I need to worry about is to be honest today for tomorrow I might lie, steal, cheat and drink.

 
At 4/04/2006 10:49 AM, Blogger Alexis tells all . . .

AWESOME honesty! Good for you! I felt SO much better after just getting it all down on paper. (I did procrastinate & make myself miserable for at least a MONTH before I sat down to write my 4th step.) Once I started writing and just DID IT, it wasn't so big and scary any more. keep on keepin' on!

 
At 4/07/2006 4:51 AM, Blogger Scott tells all . . .

incomplete, bah humbug!! there's no dealines in AA girl! Its just important that you started it, you know you have to get it done, you'll make yourself insane until you do get it done, and then you'll get it done. Everything is a process. Easy Does It but DO IT! Keep goin' girl you're doing just fine! Way to be honest with yourself!

 

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