The Truth

Getting back to the routine here on Monday. I am so refreshed from taking this past Thursday and Friday. I was not very productive and you know, I am not housing guilt because of it.

I was suppose to do my 4th step yesterday and meet my sponsor at her office at 2:00 pm. All morning I pondered what little white lie I can tell her to get out of it. I did not have it done. My time management was not structured resulting in an incomplete 4th step. In my head I did not define my future action as a "lie." I was just trying to be clever about my approach -- Ya Right!

It never occured to me to just tell her the truth -- I got caught up in doing nothing these past 4 days and have not completed my 4th hence am not ready. I sent an email and somehow I wrote truthfully about the status of my 4th. Then we spoke on the phone shortly after and everything is ok. I did not "have" to be dishonest, there was no reason. So why the idea to think that I needed to lie? I do not fear my 4th step, I am actaully looking forward to, as one sober sister put it, "getting the poison out." There is fear there, only it is in my word of not being ready, suited up and present. It is failure to complete an action on my part. I do not want to disappoint her. However I realize the disappointment lies in how I handle the situation. I had the choice to accept my failure or deny it by lying (of course only I would know and I DO NOT want to shelter this behavior). Acceptance is my responsibility and allows me to be human.

"We finally saw that the inventory should be ours, not the other man's. So we admitted our wrongs honestly and became willing to set these matters straight."
April 3rd, Daily Reflections