Sober Chick

Here are the unleashed pages of a sober chick in recovery. My journey (date of sobriety) began on June 13th, 2005. For 29 years of my life I was spiritually sick. Emotinally defeated by drunken black-outs, bulimic binging and purging episodes and self-mutilation, I finally surrendered.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Ouch

I am reading some of these blogs and am being forced to get honest. I don't think I can be honest sometimes. I have to walk around with a smile on my face being unaffected by life's daily events. I don't curse or vent so when something little happens, I flip out. Do I have to do this? This is what I know, how I have trained myself to be.

Today something little happened but it threw me. I was so upset I embedded my nails into my forearm. I did not know any other way. This terrifies me, what happens when LIFE really shows up. What do I do with my anger? I am a walking timebomb.

8 Comments:

At 3/11/2006 5:58 AM, Blogger NMAMFQLMSH tells all . . .

I am all too familiar with that walk around with that smile on your face thing.
I see you,
JJ

 
At 3/11/2006 8:56 AM, Blogger Mary Christine tells all . . .

Pray, Pray, Pray and then Pray some more. God will do for you what you cannot do for yourself.

 
At 3/11/2006 7:32 PM, Blogger Tab tells all . . .

Walking time bomb is not good.
Acupuncture and long walks help me.
I hope you will find what you need to help soothe your soul right now.

Thanks for sharing & Take Care ~

 
At 3/11/2006 7:32 PM, Blogger Tab tells all . . .

Walking time bomb is not good.
Acupuncture and long walks help me.
I hope you will find what you need to help soothe your soul right now.

Thanks for sharing & Take Care ~

 
At 3/12/2006 2:25 PM, Blogger Da Gal tells all . . .

get to a meeting fast! You don't have to do this alone Sober chick.

Take care, Meg

 
At 3/13/2006 5:52 AM, Blogger Trudging tells all . . .

Pray and get to a meeting

 
At 3/13/2006 6:57 AM, Blogger Scott tells all . . .

hey you! I am one of those peeps who simply cannot stuff stuff... I am a bit of a "reactor." The funny thing about me is that I can deal with the big stuff better than I can the everyday little things. Even at 10+ yrs sober, I still have to deal with my anger carefully so, in this regard, you are sooooo not alone. Lately, with all the insanity happening in my life, I have begun blogging, been going to more meetings, a new sponsee found me, been sharing with newcomers. I have even been playing my horn again (very spiritual thing for me), and even attending church (if you only knew me well, what a piece of growth that is!) The result of all this has been fewer and less severe blowups. Oh, and in the interest of honesty, I had better mention that I mentioned my "depressive/angry" streaks to my MD and I am now on anti-depression meds and we discovered I have a thyroid condition, so we're treating that. All in all, I am doin' better... not great, not perfect, but much better. Sorry to leave a book on your blog!

 
At 3/13/2006 8:02 AM, Blogger Sober Chick tells all . . .

I love books! :)

I love all of you and your support. I am blessed in so many ways, thank you!

 

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