Sober Chick

Here are the unleashed pages of a sober chick in recovery. My journey (date of sobriety) began on June 13th, 2005. For 29 years of my life I was spiritually sick. Emotinally defeated by drunken black-outs, bulimic binging and purging episodes and self-mutilation, I finally surrendered.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Obsession comes in many shapes

I have been reading other blogs that deal with some of the behaviors that I have acted upon: Bulimia and Self-Injury. It hurts my heart to read where some of these women are. Many are active in their obsession and are so lost. They are screaming for a solution and have yet to discover it. I remember that pain. The shame and guilt all borne from the secrets. How could I dare let anyone know who I was? How could anyone love this person that did these things with food, sharp objects and of course, alcohol?

These women continue to fight. Though they do not know this yet, they are showing tremendous courage by writing about it. It took me so long to blurp out the acts I did, alone. The first time I announced I was an alcoholic was at my first AA meeting of 400 people. They asked those who were new or had 30 days or less stand and state what and who you are. How Cruel I thought. I believed that I would get kicked out if I did not do this. My voice cracked as I fought the tears and forced the words out loud.

Today is different, and I don't own the shame. I don't lie in a bed of self pity. I have God and the fellowship, it's not just me anymore. What a relief! HA! I am thankful to God that I can still remember those horrible feelings. They will keep me close to Him and His children.

I visit some of these women hoping to spark an ounce of hope, hoping they will continue to reach out . . .

todaAAy i am thAAnkful & grAAteful 4:
* A spiritual solution
* My physical strength and all 5 senses
* Funks
* Mitch, Our Babies, my mom and brother
* The Rain and how it cleanses everything
* My dental insurance
* All the onLine recovering Peeps - Honesty and courage through others
* Chocolate, especially dark. I am totally powerless over it daily :)

*** 296 Days Sober
*** 6 months 2-DAY ABSTINENT from bulimia

11 Comments:

At 4/05/2006 3:34 AM, Blogger Scott tells all . . .

Its so important to remember where we've come from. Reading those blogs is like going to a beginner's meeting. Hopefully the ladies you meet on these blogs will come to find the beautiful recovery on your blog and find their own recoery. Thats what this is all about! The best part is that by sharing your stuff with those who are struggling, you help yourself most of all. What a gift, thanks HP!!

 
At 4/05/2006 8:55 AM, Blogger Tab tells all . . .

This is a very powerful post!
I am reminded of the delicate balance between emotional freedom and the prison of negative thoughts.while I am grateful I am free from that, I am also reminded there are many who need encouragement to free themselves.
Thanks for sharing~

 
At 4/05/2006 10:57 AM, Blogger Alexis tells all . . .

thank you so much for your honesty. my addiction doesn't care what I feed it, as long as I feed it.... be it cutting, bulimia, booze, drugs....... I'm glad you are 296 days sober and 6 months abstinent from bulimia! You are a miracle! and if nobody has told you today, you are WONDERFUL!

 
At 4/05/2006 11:57 AM, Blogger Trudging tells all . . .

Powerful post!

 
At 4/05/2006 6:25 PM, Blogger Mary Christine tells all . . .

Alcoholics are people with all sorts of problems. It is possible to recover from all of them. You make my heart glad. <3

 
At 4/05/2006 6:50 PM, Anonymous red head gal tells all . . .

I could feel where you have been in this post.

 
At 4/05/2006 7:48 PM, Blogger butterflygirl tells all . . .

May God continue to give you the strength and courage you need each and every day.

 
At 4/06/2006 3:48 AM, Blogger Scott W tells all . . .

Beautiful and inspiring post. Your honesty is shining these days.

 
At 4/06/2006 6:15 PM, Blogger BigSkymAAck tells all . . .

And the truth shall set you free. That is what I got from my sponsor when I did my forth.

 
At 4/06/2006 7:53 PM, Blogger Shannon tells all . . .

I agree with scott it is very important to remember where we came from, because we can get back there if we forget, our disease(s) are doing push ups in the parking lot waiting for us... thanks for sharing this... and reminding me.. :)

 
At 4/07/2006 1:41 PM, Blogger The Brat tells all . . .

Congrats on the abstinence and sobriety! WTG!! I haven't been abstinent long, but I know what the 12 steps can do. Thanks for sharing your journey with me!

Another grateful person in recovery... Cindy D in WV

 

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