Sober Chick

Here are the unleashed pages of a sober chick in recovery. My journey (date of sobriety) began on June 13th, 2005. For 29 years of my life I was spiritually sick. Emotinally defeated by drunken black-outs, bulimic binging and purging episodes and self-mutilation, I finally surrendered.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Feeding some Fear tonight


I went to a new meeting tonight and saw 4 people take cakes, the youngest of the group taking a 20 year cake. Lots of long sobriety there, pretty cool. I also saw a man who took a 22 year cake that is, um, still sick. I came to this conclusion when I heard him speak of his resentment towards 2 people that passed away (he is still holding it) and 2 people that are currently in AA -- the words that left his mouth, wow, he scared me.

Funny though, the man who shared b4 him made me giggle. He said "If I piss someone off at a meeting then go home and pray for me cuz I need a lot of praying for." His tone was playful and honest.

I also met a beautiful woman that had a warm welcome (she took a 28 year cake and her husband 23 years, apparently she admitted she 13th stepped him, LOL, they have been married 21 years). She got sober in New York and decided to take her sobriety where ever she went after . . . pretty cool huh, our sobriety is mobile!

After the meeting I called Alexis. We both share some similar emotions when it comes to our friend's relapse and I am grateful that we have each other at this time. She invited me to speak at a panel with her tomorrow night at a high school.


shaking the grAAtitude:

- 15+ months of continuous sobriety

- I feel I am getting ready to claim abstinance from bulimia once again . . . it is coming, for I am tired of it again
and almost ready to give it back to God. I don't want it anymore . . .
- that OA runs on the traditions and step work borne from AA

- tomorrow is a new day and my icky feelings tonight will pass, and I will not drink over them
- that once I finish my post I will lay down and my animals will take me into a comfortable loving place (I do hope they are fiesty)
- that Mitch will be home soon

- to know a God of my understanding today

- to know that just one drink will lead me into a path of loosing all that I have gratitude towards
- the Holidays!!!
- YOU are here with me.

11 Comments:

At 9/27/2006 6:36 AM, Blogger dAAve tells all . . .

Regarding the man with 22 years, I always remind myself that time in AA does not necessarily mean time in recovery. We are all at varying levels and ranges of sobriety/recovery, regardless of time without a drink. And the BB tells me that we are ALL emotionally ill persons. It also tells me to pray for those who I don't like or am uncomfortable with.

 
At 9/27/2006 8:50 AM, Blogger Gwen tells all . . .

One of the things I have learned thru experience and my sponsor is ~ that man is probably better than he was. She has taught me we all grow at different rates and some really are sicker than others. I have seen this with a few people.

Also when I use to look at people like "wow what's up with them" it was only because I had not experienced it "YET." That seems to be the key word my sponsor throws to me. There were many things I never thought I would/could do sober only to find out down the line how human I really am making it all the more important to stay connected.

This is why I work really hard on the judgemental defect of character. It is a really really really hard one for me.

G~

 
At 9/27/2006 11:21 AM, Blogger Tab tells all . . .

You are such a warm human Sober Chic.
I love your way of seeing the bright side on things..then knowing how to share when you feel less sure.
I also have to tell you I love the side of you that loves kitties and the Peanuts.My kind of blogger buddy:)
Thank you for sharing ~

 
At 9/27/2006 4:08 PM, Blogger BigSkymAAck tells all . . .

It is good that we don't all progress exactly the same, that would be boring. I have used that saying that if I offend you you can go home and pray for me because I could use all the prayers I can get. It works I don't have to piss people off anymore though just to get the prayers.

 
At 9/27/2006 5:27 PM, Blogger Carly tells all . . .

Thanks for this post. Love to you!

 
At 9/27/2006 5:29 PM, Blogger Mary Christine tells all . . .

Funny, when I read that about the guy who wanted people to pray for him, I thought of SC because he always used to say that... and then he wrote that! Cool. I love being connected to my fellows in AA.

 
At 9/27/2006 6:52 PM, Anonymous hippychick tells all . . .

I <3 you Sober Chick!
You have been a friend and inspiration for me. I want to STAY sober!
I will continue to pray-
xoxo
Hippychick

 
At 9/28/2006 10:43 AM, Blogger Christine tells all . . .

on a panel at a high school---thats what its all about--passing on a message of hope and being able to be of service--

 
At 9/29/2006 6:23 AM, Blogger Scott tells all . . .

hmm I love that gratitude about your animals.. I love palying with Cosmo, our Jack russell... sometimes it's such a great escape, wrestling on the floor with her and Ian, our 5 yr old.

I offer my prayers and support for your abstinence.. I pray that you have the courage, and strength to begin again. HP is there for you, I am pulling for ya... hugs n prayers...

peace to you!

 
At 9/29/2006 8:49 PM, Blogger butterflygirl tells all . . .

Oh Chica, may God give you the strength to fight your compulsion with bulima. May He give you the guideance needed to make the right decisions as you claim abstinence.

 
At 10/02/2006 2:57 PM, Blogger Dodi tells all . . .

What is a cake? I'm in OA and none of my meetings do chips or anything. You made me chuckle about judging someone's program from the outside. It is so easy to do.

I'm praying for you. Hope you find the willingness to reclaim your abstinence soon.

 

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