No More Morning Burdens

Mitch must have forgotten about my dentist appointment this morning at 8:50 am. Each morning I leave for work at 6:45 am. He comes barging in our room, turns the lights on and in a panick wakes me up. He says I am late to work. I giggled and calmed him and reminded him why I was in bed still.

This use to happen all the time back in the "Dark Days!" Still drunk from the night before Mitch would have to baby sit me out of bed so I could get ready for work. He would start the shower, turn the lights on and help me get ready. We were both so sick even though he did not drink. I remember how hard it would be to open my eyes, head pounding, dry throat, quick breaths - this was only the physical part. The mental part would soon follow. Shame and guilt would take me, it rested heavily on my shoulders. Panic would set in; what did I say, did I leave any food in my stomach; did I email anyone? The remedy to my state at that time was not God, it was a bottle of Rum. Yes indeed that would carry me through each day, each hour, each minute.

Today I can wake up on my own and enjoy the beautiful mornings. I wake up owning no such burden of shame and guilt from the day before. I can look into the mirror and see a life that is no longer lifeless. I can breath, see, feel, hear and touch life, it is ALL around me. I am blessed for each new day. I am blessed to know that I am a child of God as are you.

todAAy I am grAAteful and thAAnkful 4:
* My Mr. Incredible Mitch and that I do not mistake Mitch for being my God
* That I can admit I am powerless over my life, just for today
* My dental insurance, root canal and the pain today that could help me to make better decisions about the sweets I put in my mouth. Ok, in all honesty I am not sure if I can give up sweets. Like an active alcoholic, the pain and "low end" consequences (my life is not on the line, my teeth are however -- this is my sick mind speaking) are acceptable. I am not ready to give up sugar or sweets. I know am powerless though.
* I am tahnkful that I still have all my teeth given 11 years of bulimia and the acid
* My memory of pain as an alcoholic, may God allow me to keep this
* The iChat I just got right now from my sober sister Alexis. She is so special to me . I met her at Casa. She was one of the first women I allowed to see my truth, the entire me.
* The new bloggers I am meeting that struggle with food as I do.
* Humility. I posted earlier today on Coffee Bitch's post about how I thought I was better than God and was gonna find a smarter way to get sober. HAHAHAHAHA, what a FOOL I was.
* I am grateful and thankful for this onLine recovery energy! I read everybody's posts, and you are so beautiful. You may be in a funk or on a cloud, but you are still walking in the Spirit of the Light. Thank you for being here.