Sober Chick

Here are the unleashed pages of a sober chick in recovery. My journey (date of sobriety) began on June 13th, 2005. For 29 years of my life I was spiritually sick. Emotinally defeated by drunken black-outs, bulimic binging and purging episodes and self-mutilation, I finally surrendered.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

No More Morning Burdens

Mitch must have forgotten about my dentist appointment this morning at 8:50 am. Each morning I leave for work at 6:45 am. He comes barging in our room, turns the lights on and in a panick wakes me up. He says I am late to work. I giggled and calmed him and reminded him why I was in bed still.

This use to happen all the time back in the "Dark Days!" Still drunk from the night before Mitch would have to baby sit me out of bed so I could get ready for work. He would start the shower, turn the lights on and help me get ready. We were both so sick even though he did not drink. I remember how hard it would be to open my eyes, head pounding, dry throat, quick breaths - this was only the physical part. The mental part would soon follow. Shame and guilt would take me, it rested heavily on my shoulders. Panic would set in; what did I say, did I leave any food in my stomach; did I email anyone? The remedy to my state at that time was not God, it was a bottle of Rum. Yes indeed that would carry me through each day, each hour, each minute.

Today I can wake up on my own and enjoy the beautiful mornings. I wake up owning no such burden of shame and guilt from the day before. I can look into the mirror and see a life that is no longer lifeless. I can breath, see, feel, hear and touch life, it is ALL around me. I am blessed for each new day. I am blessed to know that I am a child of God as are you.

todAAy I am grAAteful and thAAnkful 4:
* My Mr. Incredible Mitch and that I do not mistake Mitch for being my God
* That I can admit I am powerless over my life, just for today
* My dental insurance, root canal and the pain today that could help me to make better decisions about the sweets I put in my mouth. Ok, in all honesty I am not sure if I can give up sweets. Like an active alcoholic, the pain and "low end" consequences (my life is not on the line, my teeth are however -- this is my sick mind speaking) are acceptable. I am not ready to give up sugar or sweets. I know am powerless though.
* I am tahnkful that I still have all my teeth given 11 years of bulimia and the acid
* My memory of pain as an alcoholic, may God allow me to keep this
* The iChat I just got right now from my sober sister Alexis. She is so special to me . I met her at Casa. She was one of the first women I allowed to see my truth, the entire me.
* The new bloggers I am meeting that struggle with food as I do.
* Humility. I posted earlier today on Coffee Bitch's post about how I thought I was better than God and was gonna find a smarter way to get sober. HAHAHAHAHA, what a FOOL I was.
* I am grateful and thankful for this onLine recovery energy! I read everybody's posts, and you are so beautiful. You may be in a funk or on a cloud, but you are still walking in the Spirit of the Light. Thank you for being here.

17 Comments:

At 4/11/2006 6:00 PM, Blogger dAAve tells all . . .

I am enjoying your little illustration. Reminds me of when I had teeth!
LOL

 
At 4/11/2006 7:30 PM, Blogger butterflygirl tells all . . .

Doesn't each morning feel great now? Mitch sounds like a wonderful guy.

 
At 4/11/2006 11:04 PM, Blogger Rex tells all . . .

Every morning I wake up sober feels like a huge victory to me too. Thanks for the reminder.

 
At 4/11/2006 11:22 PM, Blogger Katy tells all . . .

YOU ARE AWESOME!!! Thanks for being who you are and for sharing your heart... I hear your feelings, not just words and I am grateful you're here. Do you mind if I put a link to your blog on mine? Gotta keep sharin the love!!! ;O)

P.S. I LOVE the Czardas muic down below... I play it everytime I read your posts!

 
At 4/12/2006 3:42 AM, Blogger Scott tells all . . .

I love your honesty about those things over which you are powerless! Keep sharing, keep coming back, and thanks for the trip down memory lane! I hated mornings sooo much!

 
At 4/12/2006 4:05 AM, Blogger Trudging tells all . . .

I hate the dentist! Sober it good though...

 
At 4/12/2006 5:13 AM, Blogger Mary Christine tells all . . .

What a graphic description of a hangover. Thanks for the reminder.

 
At 4/12/2006 7:47 AM, Blogger Gwen tells all . . .

I have a hard time with the sweets. My husband and I have been "trying" to do the South Beach diet. It says if your going to cheat make sure it is with dark chocolate. That is dangerous for both of us.

The tree you asked about....

Characteristics of Harry Lauder's Walking Stick : This shrub reaches a height of 8'-10', with a similar spread. The flowers of Harry Lauder's walking stick are yellowish-brown "catkins," as on pussy willows. The blooms appear in early to middle spring. However, this shrub is not grown primarily for its blooms but for its unusual branching pattern, which is indicated by its other common names: corkscrew filbert and contorted hazelnut. For as you can see from the picture, its branches contort themselves in every which way, resembing corkscrews.

Peace Sista Friend
G~t

 
At 4/12/2006 8:34 AM, Blogger Tab tells all . . .

You-Are-$%^&*@#-Amazing SoberChic!
When I first met you , not long ago,you were in a very dark place.
Today , I feel so much inspiration and hope when I read your blog.
You share both the darkness and lightness on your journey..do you realize what a difference you make in a read? By the way,I just love the way you share your admiration and devotion towards your partner Mitch..that is so touching.
I love it!
Thank you for sharing~

 
At 4/12/2006 1:23 PM, Blogger Lex-Sunshine tells all . . .

What a difference sobriety makes!!! Talk about two totally different mornings! Thanks for sharing!!!

 
At 4/12/2006 2:30 PM, Blogger Shannon tells all . . .

I love how happy you sound here SC!
I appreciate your honesty with your disease, the disease we all share and your solutions... thanks

I hope you and MItch have a really great daay!

 
At 4/12/2006 7:58 PM, Blogger Motorcycle Mike - Sober Biker tells all . . .

Thanks for sharing, even if it was about a dentist. Keep up the good work, even a bad day at the dentist is better than your best day inside a bottle of rum.

Mike

 
At 4/12/2006 8:55 PM, Blogger lash505 tells all . . .

I hate the dentist and have believed that they practiced S&M after work.

 
At 4/13/2006 3:41 AM, Anonymous red head gal tells all . . .

Sober mornings are first on my gratitude list.

 
At 4/14/2006 5:11 AM, Blogger NMAMFQLMSH tells all . . .

I certainly don't miss waking up with a hangover.
I see you,
JJ

 
At 4/14/2006 5:13 AM, Blogger NMAMFQLMSH tells all . . .

Oh yeah and I'm grateful for you too.
I still see you,
JJ

 
At 4/14/2006 8:02 PM, Anonymous Caseygirl tells all . . .

hi sober chick
i found you on girl addicted blog and you connected about the food stuff. i have been in at war with food and myself for 20 years and my body can't take much more. thank you for your positive thoughts. i only hope someday i can have some of your light...

 

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