Chemically Imbalanced?????

I wonder. 2 weeks ago I disconnected from everything, my first true funk since my last drunk. Was it because I had my worst period since I have been here on Earth? Was it because my ankles and feet got so fat I could barely be in my own skin? Not sure but I was really close to adopting one of my deceitful friends, not alcohol (that would be the last I think if I were to venture to this destination), not bulimia, but cutting.

Feeling like poop, I remember my mind being clouded with the blade. How attractive the sharp edge would be running along my skin taking me away from the abundance of FEELINGS . . .

I believe it is God that is not leaving me -- and I don't want to leave God. An interruption in my funk, Alice. I learned she was getting her year cake. I met up with 2 girlfriends at the Crown City AA meeting. I bought Alice some beautiful flowers and gave her a card. Wrote words from my heart, and GOT to see this miracle. I realized being in a room filled with a bunch of alcoholics and then some alike was enough to make me switch on again. I drove home so emotionally attached, I felt alive again.

My mood changes so sudden, it frightens me. I have to work that much harder to create a balance. I know no medium. I know the top, and the bottom -- this is natural to me.

In all honesty I have to get more active in my recovery. I started to read again, and need to continue this. I need to put AA first before all other affairs. This will help me to grow closer to God, the ultimate reason for my life today. Anyhow, thanx 4 reading.

At a much better place now. Still sober, still abstinent, and still cutfree! God, I offer myself to thee . . .