Sober Chick

Here are the unleashed pages of a sober chick in recovery. My journey (date of sobriety) began on June 13th, 2005. For 29 years of my life I was spiritually sick. Emotinally defeated by drunken black-outs, bulimic binging and purging episodes and self-mutilation, I finally surrendered.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Chemically Imbalanced?????

I wonder. 2 weeks ago I disconnected from everything, my first true funk since my last drunk. Was it because I had my worst period since I have been here on Earth? Was it because my ankles and feet got so fat I could barely be in my own skin? Not sure but I was really close to adopting one of my deceitful friends, not alcohol (that would be the last I think if I were to venture to this destination), not bulimia, but cutting.

Feeling like poop, I remember my mind being clouded with the blade. How attractive the sharp edge would be running along my skin taking me away from the abundance of FEELINGS . . .

I believe it is God that is not leaving me -- and I don't want to leave God. An interruption in my funk, Alice. I learned she was getting her year cake. I met up with 2 girlfriends at the Crown City AA meeting. I bought Alice some beautiful flowers and gave her a card. Wrote words from my heart, and GOT to see this miracle. I realized being in a room filled with a bunch of alcoholics and then some alike was enough to make me switch on again. I drove home so emotionally attached, I felt alive again.

My mood changes so sudden, it frightens me. I have to work that much harder to create a balance. I know no medium. I know the top, and the bottom -- this is natural to me.

In all honesty I have to get more active in my recovery. I started to read again, and need to continue this. I need to put AA first before all other affairs. This will help me to grow closer to God, the ultimate reason for my life today. Anyhow, thanx 4 reading.

At a much better place now. Still sober, still abstinent, and still cutfree! God, I offer myself to thee . . .

6 Comments:

At 2/16/2006 8:43 PM, Blogger Scott W tells all . . .

Great post! Keep up the good work.

 
At 2/17/2006 5:35 AM, Blogger psychbaby tells all . . .

I admire you in your strength. I hope to be there at least a little bit, SOON.

Good job sc.
:)
~tt

 
At 2/17/2006 5:53 AM, Blogger Scott tells all . . .

keep on keepin on, girl. aint it great when we can hold on thru those darkest moments, and not succumb to the old way of living. you CAN stay sober, you CAN get thru all of your difficulties with that HP fo yours, good for you, keep going!!

 
At 2/18/2006 10:36 PM, Blogger Shannon tells all . . .

shit SC sometimes we just have those fucked up feelings/thoughts/days... that yea scare the shit out of us... just keep in mind it will pass... check yourself... tire? angry? loney? hungry? bored?
I am sending hugs and good thoughts your way ; D

 
At 2/20/2006 8:49 AM, Blogger corporate woman tells all . . .

Hey Sober Chick! I'm glad to see you putting your energy into staying sober and ALSO cut-free...that brings back a lot of unpleasant memories for me. so, Thank you for that, because it helps me to remember where I came from and that I am SO freaking happy to be SOBER! so, remember to BREATHE and to love yourself (or, as they say, let us love you until you can love yourself!) Ceres

 
At 2/22/2006 7:59 PM, Blogger Sober Chick tells all . . .

I am so in luv with this online community. To all those returning and those that are new, THANK YOU!!!!!!

You ALL help me to stay connected! What a blessed gift.

 

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