The Message . . .

I just discovered Mike S from XA speakers. His message is wonderful and his humor very good for the soul. If you have an hour to spare, please listen to him share his experience, strength and hope. I have him on in the background while I am working . . .

Mike S

Postponing HNT. . .

I originally had my HNT pics all set up but am not gonna post them today.

I got a message this morning about my sister M (in the fellowship) that went out early this month. Since she has made some contact with me and suggestions about her getting back to walking a clean and sober path. She is now in the hospital with an infection in her heart caused from using. I am told it is very fatal.

I called my sponsor leaving a message this morning. I told her that my emotions about this are layered. Deep down I know I am hurt and fearful but the uppermost layer is anger right now. She had the perfect repsonse, "this is not about you right now" -- not to discard my emotions but to allow some action to take place. She suggested to me some direction.

Again I am asking for your prayers.

I am very grateful to be a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous. I am thankful to God for blessing me in so many ways. I am very thankful that I do not have to go through this experience alone.

Feeding some Fear tonight

I went to a new meeting tonight and saw 4 people take cakes, the youngest of the group taking a 20 year cake. Lots of long sobriety there, pretty cool. I also saw a man who took a 22 year cake that is, um, still sick. I came to this conclusion when I heard him speak of his resentment towards 2 people that passed away (he is still holding it) and 2 people that are currently in AA -- the words that left his mouth, wow, he scared me.

Funny though, the man who shared b4 him made me giggle. He said "If I piss someone off at a meeting then go home and pray for me cuz I need a lot of praying for." His tone was playful and honest.

I also met a beautiful woman that had a warm welcome (she took a 28 year cake and her husband 23 years, apparently she admitted she 13th stepped him, LOL, they have been married 21 years). She got sober in New York and decided to take her sobriety where ever she went after . . . pretty cool huh, our sobriety is mobile!

After the meeting I called Alexis. We both share some similar emotions when it comes to our friend's relapse and I am grateful that we have each other at this time. She invited me to speak at a panel with her tomorrow night at a high school.

shaking the grAAtitude:
- 15+ months of continuous sobriety
- I feel I am getting ready to claim abstinance from bulimia once again . . . it is coming, for I am tired of it again and almost ready to give it back to God. I don't want it anymore . . .
- that OA runs on the traditions and step work borne from AA
- tomorrow is a new day and my icky feelings tonight will pass, and I will not drink over them
- that once I finish my post I will lay down and my animals will take me into a comfortable loving place (I do hope they are fiesty)
- that Mitch will be home soon
- to know a God of my understanding today
- to know that just one drink will lead me into a path of loosing all that I have gratitude towards
- the Holidays!!!
- YOU are here with me.

Are you a friend of Bill W?

Waiting for my Caramel Frap at Starbucks I noticed these 2 men wearing the same blue shirts ordering drinks. What caught my eye was not that they were 2 cute young guys :) What caught my eye was the AA logo imprinted on the back of the shirts they wore. There was some writing inside of it. I approached one of them and asked him if they were apart of some stag. He said "no". They are a part of a recovery group that were coming from a convention down the street. He then asked me "Are you a friend of Bill W?" "Absolutely" I replied with a smile.

I cannot tell you how many times I have met friends of Bill W when in a coffee place. There must be some universal energy that draws us alcoholics in recovery to Starbucks or Coffee Bean. This was not the first time and I know it will not be the last time I will meet one of Bill W's friends inside a coffee place.

Anytime I meet someone from AA outside of AA itself, it is one of the greatest spiritual connections ever. We share something so ugly, this disease, that together we claim victory over its destruction. My soul is rejuvinated at each experience as this!

shaking the grAAtitude:
- my ever so cool God
- my homegroup and all the beautiful recovery there
- desperation as the catalyst to my path of sobriety
- that I am in acceptance of my Mom today, and becuz of that I can really see how beautiful she is
- crayons and coloring books
- Charlie Brown and the Peanuts gang
- my life today
- Mitch and our furry babies
- slap happy giggles
- ALL the recovery bloggers that unite to share their experience, strength and hope.

New Recovery Chic, plz visit

Guess What??? Oh dAAve U R gonna Luv this, yes, there is a new Chic on the block. Please visit her everyone when you have a moment!

The Road of Happy Destiny (Recovery Chic).

hAApy HNT

A half Naked Fashionable Baby!

Fashion seems to repeat itself. I can honestly tell you that the shirt I wore above is back in style. My mom must have known some trend factors! I think my Mom played a part of what is my favorite color: Pink

I was inspired by Scott W to use a picture back in the day. Thanks Scott! Come see ALL the inspiration of beautiful people in recovery HERE!

a grAAteful Sober Chick:
- to listen to my Mom laugh this morning on the phone
- my job all the fun we have here in this department
- that I accepted a new job (part-time) as an onLine professor for 2 graphic art classes. I start in 2 weeks, and I am really excited.
- my career evolving
- that today is my Friday! Playing hookie tomorrow.
- Halloween decorations . . . hehee!
- all your comments left on my last post and how I love knowing you all
- despite some character defects, my soul is truly glowing with gratitude of my life
- Mitch and our furballs
- being able to chat live with Katy and laughing so much at some of her kitty stories
- that AA is something I am so blessed to have as a part of my life
- my blogging recovery peeps and some newcomers to my blog. WELCOME!

SMILE

I was waiting at Home Depo with Mitch for our 5 gallon of paint buckets to mix. There were many people there seeming not to happy to be waiting. Among the croud of frowns and stiff bodies a couple stood out to me. My eyes gravitated towards them. The woman constanly smiling, and her partner appeared pretty content too as he was communicating with her and the person helping them. Indeed they stood out from all, and I stood watching them allowing their energy to penetrate my presence.

I read that looking at a picture of a cute animal helps stimulate so part of the mind that allows a feeling of happiness. We as recovering alcoholics to are given the gift of seeing the NOW, embracing life sober and learning to humble thyself by appreciating the simpliest things in life. I was able to grasp this concept this weekend by seeing someone smile.

What makes you sMILe?

Shaking the grAAtitude:
- My HP
- Laughter
- Mitch and our babies
- Remembering some fun experiences with my dad as a child (we were on the topic of farts, and I was telling Mitch and his about when my dad would fart, he would do things like roll up the windows in the car, strange you may think but when he was present he was a whole lot of fun)
- the Holidays are coming!!!!!
- Getting the new office painted and moved in this weekend
- the smell of Vanilla
- not fearing honesty
- my sobriety
- all my blogging peeps that come and visit me

Gratitude 2day

Wanting to reflect some gratitude . . . I am grAAteful for:

- my friend's M eMail yesterday
- the phone call from my sponsor
- knowing that this chpater in my life is essential for my sobriety
- my animals, and how they pull me into the moment many times
- the new plants I have adopted -- they are doing well under my care
- juggling with Mitch (more to come on this)
- Katy's eCard and message
- the Season changing
- the color orange and brown and the excitement I get know the Holiday's are approaching
- iTunes update (spoiled)
- my job and that I suit up and am present each day
- being in Love
- and all of your comments left on the last few posts. Gives me the goosebumps, your support and words help me so much. Thank you.

Checking in: 9-11

5 years ago today our Country lost many lives, but much was gained. People of all sorts came together, and for a moment race, religion, gender and such were not considered a division -- we were all one.

In rememberence of 9-11 . . .

I am truly grateful to be living in a country where I have the privilage of opinion and freedom. However I, along with many fight a different war, a war which seeks freedom from self.

I had a good recovery weekend. Alexis and I still had our recovery girls night out Friday night and got some needed spiritual medicine. I went to my Sunrise meeting Saturday morning, met with some women after and got some support and love from my sponsor. It is strange that my friend's relapse makes me feel so passionate about my sobriety.

Thank you for all of your support. My friend M is toxic right now, and the hardest thing is to not help her until she is willing. Your words and prayers have so much substance to my soul and my recovery.

I am grateful today for a sober morning. I am grateful that I have your support. I will check in with all you through out the day.

Need some prayers please

I just discovered one of my closest sisters went out. She is was put in the hospital.

I am asking for your prayers at this time.

I feel so helpless right now and am so pissed off at this Dz in so many ways. As I was walking out the front door of where I work earlier today there lay a case of Budwiser. Apparently the owners are celebrating the Leap Year by celebrating and cooking outside. I want kick that case of beer right now.

I am in shock, fighting tears and trying to keep my composure.

Thank you for listening and your support.

I am grateful that A is still trudjing with me and pray that M will come back. I am grateful that I am pissed off but do not have the obsession to drink. I am grateful that you are here with me and understand first hand how UGLY this Dz is.

hAAppy 3 Years dAAve

dAAve Celebrates 3 Years!!! Thank you for offering the best type of healing medication . . . Laughter :) You have such a beautiful soul my friend.

The Blahs!

Do you ever get pissed off that you can't have a drink like a normal person?

I feel bitter right now that I can't toss back a mix drink. I was at Trader Joes during rush hour, everyone in line seemed to have bottles of wine or beer in their purchase. Blah!!! I don't want to drink. I do believe that I am a REAL alcoholic and that a person like me can NEVER put a drop of alcohol in this body. I am just a little pissed that I am an alcoholic today, but I know it will pass . . .


I am grateful that I am sober today.
I am grateful to have a God that loves me
I am grateful that One Day At A Time works
I am grateful to see others live life on lifes terms and remain sober
I am grateful that I know the truth of my Disease
I am grateful that I have your support and embrace that you are with me now.